Trying to put together this hyper-resume stuff for an exceptional alien visa and, it's like judgement day in my brain.
I'm so naturally compelled to undersell myself exactly because the process of trying to sell myself feels like catching my reflection in a hall of mirrors and all of them are unflattering.
I sound like a totally self obsessed narcissist.
I feel the need to announce how gross it feels to offset the ego-centrism of the process.
Orange boy joke/true story Show more
I showed a psychoanalyst that painting of Trump and the boys.
"So what's your diagnosis?"
He shrugs a little, pauses, sighs -
"We are fucked".
I'm going to Marioke tonight, with a new song. For mastadonites only, here it is: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1nKjeEuOB3S0jbqZLk3QBy4XIwHB_jVS47XUx3kW2BVw/edit?usp=sharing
Bad brain Show more
On the positive side, I think my panics have reduced over the years. Sometimes I can notice them approach and nip them in the bud. Other times I'm all too aware they're happening and they almost become more acute because of my awareness.
Accepting that they'd always be there was a start toward working around them. Glad I made it through tougher times.
Livejournalling Show more
I am always a little naive about how much work everything is. That cuts two ways: I not only disappoint myself, I also fear I must be disappointing others. I keep having to remind myself stuff like, Jordan Mechner took 4 years to make Prince of Persia... Or that Assassin's creed took hundreds of people, and years, and loads of people's previous experiences to create.
I really must have a better perspective about all this.
Blues Show more
Getting a follower count is like managing to fill the void you were screaming into.
"Nothin' bad gonna happen while this music play." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSv04ylc6To
There's an uncomfortable realigning of expectations to be done about 'hitting it big'. And a need for lots of self awareness about personal privilege when saying /that/, in case you come off as tone deaf.
"Just do it as a hobby" is advice that would have really offended me, coming up, but it's on the tip of my tongue sometimes. Like I'm watching people dance near a cliff edge.
I want to be encouraging without feeding into delusions. I want to warn without pulling the ladder up behind me.
I've not been to gamescon. Pax West is the biggest conference I've been to.
The overwhelming feeling I get from games conferences is how many games there are. Some are more unique than others. But I am sure that each and every one of them gets some play time from someone.
It's crept up on me how much like music scene (or TV via Youtube) games have become. It's no longer about being famous for 15 minutes; you're famous to 15 people.
Kinaestician. Valve. CampoSanto.
idlethumbs.social is one server in the network