Pinned toot

Sometimes I think the role of art is to justify our obsession with it while the world around us avoidably fucking bites it.

Rubiks Cube boring nerd Show more

Rubiks Cube boring nerd Show more

Rubiks Cube boring nerd Show more

Rubiks Cube boring nerd Show more

Rubiks Cube boring nerd Show more

Rubiks Cube boring nerd Show more

Rubiks Cube boring nerd Show more

I dunno I should stop trying to be a pub psychologist, especially after meeting them for all of 5 minutes.

For a lot of people, games are an escape. And some of that escape boarders on problematic... can be problematic.

But at the same time, people need escapes. You can't look directly into the void, confront the dragon, and become self actuated all at once.

We all lean on something to sooth us as we walk through this long road of self reflection.

So I guess I want to ask these people what they're leaning on? And can they just ease him back into their lives, rather than pressuring him?

I don't know if they have a loss of perspective, or if this kid just really likes games and this is a phase he'll pass through, or if he ends up being a developer, and so it's justified, but...
These people's reaction and concern is real, and I worry about that perception.

It's not really good enough to shout back these glib references to how "Rock and Roll is the Devil's Music!".

I feel we should be more sensitive, and take concerns at face value, and not just be cult members in defense mode.

Met a friend of my dad's for the first time tonight. "Are you the videogame one?" he asked, a little angrily.

Whelp. Yeah. There's a world outside this bubble where games are pretty much disdained and sometimes I see their point.

I didn't meet his son, but his daughter was saying that he was utterly addicted and lost in VR. I was half chuckling, like, come on, be serious.

But, yeah, they were acting like he was lost in there.

Nothing puts a hole in objectivist arguments like pointing out that psychological phenomena are literally the driving force of economics. Emotions matter.

I so often believe that a game's "success" can be down to it filling a psychological need that it wasn't expressly designed for.

To really change things up, and address those needs in a less adhoc, less pathologically inclined way (i.e. encouraging addiction) you'd have to utterly change how we go about addressing mental health societally.

The whole thing makes me go all wry-glance at the system we're in. We didn't choose to be this way. It just sort of happened.

I just want to be in a startrek future where you make something for the intrinsic joy and not for money or acknowledgement to fill an unfillable hole, but, here we are.

And, we're in a strange place with games now. Have been for a while. The big money play is, "how can I orchestrate a game to be the phenom of the moment". And I don't know how I feel about people professing to know. They can have hindsight justification, but, big whoop, the world has already changed due to how they did it.

Anyway, it's just scarey how much craft does not factor into catching that wave, but the expectations that investors have suggests they want to take that bet.

There's obviously other factors... In the case of fortnight it really is the cultural phenom that you need to be a part of to not feel excluded. That's not exactly epic's fault.

Was listening to a planet money rerun about planet fitness, and how gym membership fees pretty much count on you not having the discipline to go. You're mentally investing in the idea of getting fit. You're paying off guilt.

Then reading about epic being questioned about addiction.

In a way F2P's the same but backended. You know that games are a waste of time... Junk food for the soul. You pay money to justify the guilt for playing. "It can't be a waste of time - I paid for the priveledge!"

It's OK. I got it! Phew!

I feel embarassed for being as anxious as I was, but I gotta forgive myself for having human emotions. It was a long time to not have any certainty about the future.

Nervous enough to chunder. Going to do like 2 hours of mindfulness just to get to sleep.

I am so fucking unreasonably scared of tomorrow's meeting to get my visa. I put the wrong name one the appointment form (everything else is correct). It should be fine - basic screw up. But if I have to reschedule, or something unfathomably bad goes wrong and I'm rejected, it's not only embarrassing but I'm stuck once again in this limbo state. I've grown to really hate it. I need to get state side.

I really don't want to work from home much longer. Even with the best will in the world I feel so disconnected. The latency in a video chat is enough to screw up my sense of rapport with people on the other end. I am constantly second guessing what I'm trying to communicate.

Have had some very positive steps toward a visa, so it won't be much longer unless I screw up one last step.

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